Living out of a suitcase

Traveling is, by far, one of the things I love to do the most and one I spend the most time planning. All my savings are made with the next trip in mind, the world far too big for me to stop anytime soon.

But the name of the blog is not just referring to that need to get to know a new place and a new culture. I quite literally live out of a suitcase because, even when I’m in Portugal, I still have to run around between my mum’s and my dad’s house.

It’s a constant packing for one week (and the worse is they don’t even live that close, I can’t stay in one place one day and the other the next) and the overwhelming feeling that I’m failing them. If I’m with my mum, then my dad is alone and I should be with him before he goes abroad (he works in another country… It has been fun coordinating our trips…); when I go out with my boyfriend or my friends whom I miss I feel guilty because he’s already alone all the time there, he shouldn’t when we’re both here…

When I’m with my mum, I feel guilty for not being with him even though my brother is there and I only have so many days in Portugal; when I go out with my childhood friends, I feel bad for leaving her alone when I’m here…

It feels like I’m always losing, like I’m letting one of them down, most times both… Which makes me feel selfish for wanting to spend time with one or the other or even my friends…

Which leads me to realize one of the reasons I love being in England so much. I get to be selfish and do what I want when I want to, not out of guilty or feeling as if I’m losing something. I don’t feel pulled in ay direction, I get to guide my own way according to my heart desire.

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One thought on “Living out of a suitcase

  1. For what I’ve seen, there’s a lot of people feeling the same way.
    It may not be with mom vs dad but I share your feeling as well. I have this deep passion for what I want to do with my life, it really fuels me. And then it makes me cut time with my family (because they’re far away), with my boyfriend (who’s still looking for this type of passion for the world) and every time I’m with one instead of the other or working… I feel the same as you. Like I’m loosing something either way.

    What really helped me being in peace with it were 3 things:
    1. Forgive myself for not being able to split myself in two. (It sounds nuts but it is important. Forgive yourself).
    2. Know my priorities. Priorities change but for now, what has to come first for me to have the life I want?
    3. Know that it’s not my responsibility to make anyone happy. So when I’m with one of my parents I’m with them, fully. And try to have the same amount of moments of love with each one.

    ps: só te sentes assim porque és o amor em pessoa. :)*

    Like

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