Living out of a suitcase

Traveling is, by far, one of the things I love to do the most and one I spend the most time planning. All my savings are made with the next trip in mind, the world far too big for me to stop anytime soon.

But the name of the blog is not just referring to that need to get to know a new place and a new culture. I quite literally live out of a suitcase because, even when I’m in Portugal, I still have to run around between my mum’s and my dad’s house.

It’s a constant packing for one week (and the worse is they don’t even live that close, I can’t stay in one place one day and the other the next) and the overwhelming feeling that I’m failing them. If I’m with my mum, then my dad is alone and I should be with him before he goes abroad (he works in another country… It has been fun coordinating our trips…); when I go out with my boyfriend or my friends whom I miss I feel guilty because he’s already alone all the time there, he shouldn’t when we’re both here…

When I’m with my mum, I feel guilty for not being with him even though my brother is there and I only have so many days in Portugal; when I go out with my childhood friends, I feel bad for leaving her alone when I’m here…

It feels like I’m always losing, like I’m letting one of them down, most times both… Which makes me feel selfish for wanting to spend time with one or the other or even my friends…

Which leads me to realize one of the reasons I love being in England so much. I get to be selfish and do what I want when I want to, not out of guilty or feeling as if I’m losing something. I don’t feel pulled in ay direction, I get to guide my own way according to my heart desire.

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Long time coming

“I’m going to start a blog when I go to University.” That was six years (six?! how?) ago.

“I’m going to start a blog now that I’ve finished my undergrad and have plenty of time while I look for a job.” The job search was a fail, as was creating the blog.

“Ok if I get in the masters degree I want in the Uk I’ll definitely start the blog!” A little late to the party, yes, but I got here nonetheless.

Should have start it in September but at the time everything was happening at once.

A completely different country I’ve never even been to.

New empty flat that felt cold and claustrophobic.

Every little cell in my body was screaming for me to run back home to the safe and familiar hug of Porto and Viana but somehow along the way that desire to run and hide turned into a need to discover more extraordinary places.

Being away from the place that raised me feels like home.

And now looks like the ideal time to kick start what has been hunting me for so long.

Not because I have the time or because I just moved to another country or any other excuse I was always looking for but just because I want a place to babble on whatever comes to mind.

Love, Ana